“I don’t like that person. I must get to know them better.” On a podcast today I heard Cass Sunstein attribute this quote to Abraham Lincoln. It stuck with me, and immediately I want to make it a permanent habit.

Hearing this got me thinking of people I’ve disliked in my past. In calling just two people to mind, I was surprised how powerful the negative emotions came on, even though I haven’t seen one in at least 10 years, the since high school, 20 years ago. Reflecting, I why good old Honest Abe’s advice resonates with me. When we don’t like someone, we tend to rehearse the things we don’t like about them, or our specific negative interactions with them, over and over again.

Before, during, and especially after our interactions with the person, we’re talking to ourselves about the things we don’t like. Sometimes for decades.

Abe’s antidote (which I now call it in my head) seems like a memorable, straightforward way to short-circuit that routine before it takes hold. That doesn’t mean it will be easy for everyone. But I’ve been lucky in my adult life that there are few people I dislike, and even fewer I need to interact with on an ongoing basis (actually right now, zero). For everyone I meet from now on, I hope in 20 years to feel about no one the way I feel about those few early antagonists. With this new heuristic, I actually think zero is an attainable goal. And if I ever bump into either of the two people I thought about today, I’ll try to get to know them better.